Finding Stability
by EmmaJAllen
Summary: Living in Manhattan without Elliot was dismal for Olivia but will his return bring happiness or distress? Read on to find out. Please leave reviews and comments about what I could add or change!- Love, E.J.A
1. Chapter 1

**EPILOGUE**

Hey guys so I'm an anon writer. I'm using Emma J Allen as a pseudonym. The synopsis of this story is Elliot returned. He stuck it out both in his job and his home although both are becoming miserable. My chapters will be based off of songs. This chapter is to the song Sky's Still Blue by Andrew Belle. I recommend listening to the song while you read using this link ' watch/?v=bVQ6P1DJcx0'. My apologies if the updates are few and far between but comment will surely help!

With love- E.J.A

**CHAPTER ONE; SKY'S STILL BLUE**

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**July 31****st****, 2015**

**SVU precinct**

**7:02 am**

"Olivia can we talk" Captain said beckoning me to his office as soon as I walked in. "Yeah sure cap what's up"? "It's Elliot. He's back Liv" was all he said. I simply opened the door and walked right out of the precinct. And just walked. Eventually I walked back into the precinct wiping stray tears that I hadn't noticed had fallen, off of my cheek with the back of my hand. I ignored the concerned glares from Munch and Finn as I walked to Cragens office. I gathered myself then opened his door. "Cap I just wanted to let you know I'm heading off to my refresher homicide class" I said running my hands down my thighs. I couldn't believe I just lied to my captain's face. "I thought that was tomorrow Benson" he retorted picking out my lie like he already knew that it was coming "if you need some time to be by yourself I can give you that without lying to me" you said giving me a soppy look. "I just need to be by myself for a little bit I'll be back" I said assuring him. "Olivia please take all the time you need. I'll have Munch and Fin cover for you" he said meaningfully. I walked outside let a cool breeze of fall hit my face. There was a familiar burn in the back of my eyes begging to be felt and let out in the same burn started to consume my chest. I tried to close my eyes to subdue it but everything I did wasn't helping. As I close my eyes I recounted all three years that I spent in my bed sobbing into my pillow wondering how I could love one man so much and let him hurt me so bad. All the bottles of tequila I tried to drown my sorrows in. Hoping that one day if I drank enough that at the bottom of the bottle I might be able to find the happiness that he once brought me. I never did but I continued to wear my heart on my sleeve looking at my phone every once in a while wondering if he'd send me the reason he left, if he'd send me a sorry, if he'd even try to contact me at all. It was a wound that never really healed just kind of smoothed over with a scab. Then he waltzed back into my life ripping the scab off and reminding me that a man had left me that I'd never felt good enough for. The closest I've ever gotten to a man. The look in his eyes he gave me when I saw him alone was now vacant and filled with remorse and sorrow. He was a hollow shell of the Elliot that I had remembered when he left. I never could compute why he hadn't stayed with me. He knew he was all I needed. The daily dose of Elliot that I took to get through my day was the only thing pushing me on. Now I just walked like a zombie through life wishing that one day I would feel the same happiness I had three years ago. But him coming back wasn't a revelation I had wished for. It wasn't some big a- ha moment where I realized that I didn't need him anymore. All those years he had been gone and then him coming back just makes me want him more. It made my lips urge with a burn that they had a few years ago. The spark reigniting deep down in the pit of my stomach a spark of urge, lust, and greed. A spark that made me in one second want to clock him upside the head but in another I wanted to wrap him in my arms never let him go. I never wanted him to leave. I just wanted him to hold my hand. I regained my composure as I walk down the New York sidewalk. People look at me concerning as I wiped the tears stinging my face with the back of my hands once more. I had to stop being so childish. I cannot let this affect my work I told myself hoping that I'd believe it even though I knew I wouldn't. I felt the familiar thud of my necklace against my chest. I reached up and ran my phone across it hoping it would remind me of back when I first came to the precinct. When everything was grand I hadn't gotten hurt yet and I didn't know what it was like to jump into the plundering waves of being a detective and feel the pain that you would feel. I finally looked up from where I have been walking with my eyes glued down to the ground so people wouldn't see my face. I couldn't believe I was ashamed of missing Elliot. I was at my apartment building. I sat down on my stoop hugging my knees to my chest tight. Maybe I could suffocate the pain away. Maybe I can just let it all out in some violent burst so that I wouldn't feel it anymore. Maybe I could throw some things or smash something trying to make myself feel better. But I wasn't some teenager with angst that could write a song or burn a book or smash things to make herself feel better. I wasn't writing a letter to him or telling my daddy or showing up with a boom box playing some corny song through his window throwing rocks at them trying to get his attention. I was a forty year old woman who could fake that she was feeling fine, throw on a smile and some lipstick and act like nothing was bothering her. I felt my phone vibrate against my abdomen and I reached into my jacket pocket to grab it. It was a message from Elliot I only open the message app so I could read the beginning of what his text said. It read "Olivia I've been looking for you. Could we go out and" and that's all the preview read. I slipped the message sideways as my thumb hovered over the delete button. I pressed it watching the message swipe away. I was in no mood to go out and discuss the past three years with him. The angst, the terror, the fear, the want, the need to see Elliot space one last time and have him tell me goodbye. Empty bottles sprawled across my kitchen floor. But most of all I didn't want to face him yet. My phone buzzed again causing my torso to shake and ache from the subtle crying. It was Casey. It read "you're going to get a summoning soon for the Danski case". Great. The last thing I was worried about was a case. I took a deep breath and felt my rib cage expand and depress with my breathing. I rubbed my thumb against the familiar groves in my necklace again feeling the calm it washed over me. I stretched out my legs standing up and letting a groan escape my throat before sluggishly making my way back up to my apartment. When I got in I threw my keys on the coffee table and propped my knee up on the couch before flopping down on it on my stomach. I let my hand fall and run against the cold hardwood floor. I put my hand on my forehead feeling the beads of sweat wipe away with my cold fingers. I slowly felt myself fall asleep then all at once I was consumed with the darkness when I close my eyes and let sleep void my life for a while.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**July 31****st****, 2015**

**SVU precinct**

**8:09 am**

I looked at the message again just to be sure she hadn't read and ignored it. It was un-read. The message sat there on the screen. Lonely. I let my head flop back as I sat back in my chair and felt it roll back. I wanted to talk to her so bad. I wanted to tell her I was sorry and why I left. I wanted to tell her that Kathy and I where no longer together. But that would make all the time that she had vouched for me and talked to Kathy in vain. I held my breath and stared at the letters below Olivia's text message. Still not read. Taking a deep breath I typed in my phone "I miss you" my thumb looming over the send button. I moved it up and erased what I had just typed hoping one day I could man up and tell her. Thoughts of her flooded my mind every day and I couldn't swim in them but that was okay. I stared at my phone as the message I sent her overwhelmed my life like a typhoon. I knew missing her and wishing she would take me back with open arms was an invalid thought but I thought about it every day. I really would have no right to be mad at her even if I was. It was my pride that made me run and hide. I was so afraid of her and losing her that I would drop her out of my life just so I can leave my wife and come back and destroy her's. I had wished what I was feeling inside was a lie. But escaping the fact that I left Olivia and she would never take me back was like trying to escape death itself. It was impossible. I held my palms out studying the crevices for a moment. I could still feel the sense of guilt that Olivia's hand left on mine. Having her take I back as a partner was probably the best thing that could've happened in my life. I had always thought that Olivia had blamed herself for what I did to her. For what I did to her. "El we got a call" I heard Fin yell. Olivia really did leave. She couldn't handle me coming back. I slammed my phone down on my desk and followed Fin out in a rush. "What'd we got" I asked as we left. "It's just a routine check in with Mrs. Keller, she always cries wolf and we take her in for a rape kit because Liv always wants to and she goes back home" Fin said pausing only for a moment when he said Liv. We arrived at Mrs. Keller's house and it went exactly as Fin said only Olivia wasn't there. It felt empty. I didn't have my partner by my side, matching my stride, and making me do things I normally wouldn't. We got back to the precinct and Captain walked out. "El my office" he said sliding his hands in his pockets "now". I solemnly walked into his office shutting the door. "Elliot Olivia called and she agreed to be your partner again" he said. I let a breath of relief escape me. "But Elliot if you hurt Olivia again I will be forced to split you up, I may even have to assign a new precinct due to the attention one-p-p has given it. El I need you to not screw this up" Cragen said intently. "I-I won't" I said thinking about how Olivia would have taken me leaving. "Cap I just want to know how she took it" I asked looking at him. He thought for a moment. "She was distraught. She tried to hide it but it tore her world apart. She called me on multiple occasions about her recently formed drinking problem. Her boyfriend left her. She took off months of work added together" he said. "Her whole family watched her fall apart and they could do nothing to help her Elliot, she was crushed" he said slowly. I felt my whole body contract from guilt. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die somewhere because of his words. They slid in like a knife. Extracting every one of my emotions and stomping on them. "Captain I think I'm going to stay for late-night paperwork" I said. It wasn't for paperwork I just didn't want to go back to the hotel that I was staying at it felt too lonely. It seems that all my life was lately. Loneliness. "Okay well I'm heading out El. Try and get some sleep even if it's in the bunk room" Captain said before walking out. I followed him out of his office. "I'm clocking out" Finn yelled grabbing his jacket and heading down the elevator. Again I was alone. This was not a shocker to me. I felt like this was a punishment from God. For me to just be alone for the rest of my days because when I left I felt like that was the option I gave Olivia. I heard the now un-familiar swoosh of the elevators doors. Olivia rounded the corner and walked over to her desk only looking at me once. I opened my mouth to say something but she was going to cut me off. "You know I was willing to stand up to anyone who said you were going to leave sooner or later because you and said forever. I was ready to stand up and fight them and although they knew better you still said forever" she said slicing me in half. "Olivia I'm sorry you just need to know that the reason I left is because of you and not your fault at all if you were ever blaming yourself for that" I said hoping she was listening. "I did Elliot Jesus I did all the time I always thought it was something I did something I said that made you want to leave I thought it was the fact that I became unbearable that you didn't want to be around me anymore" she retorted proving she was. "It wasn't you. It was just a tough time between me and my family. I wasn't dragging you down with me" I said explaining the last three years and the reason I ruined Olivia's life. "Why didn't you just tell me Elliot? Don't you think I would've understood? Don't you think I would have helped you" she stated more than asked as she stood up. "That's just it. I didn't want your help I didn't want to be back with Kathy. I wanted more than anything just to be back here and have none of this ever happened" I said trying not to sound rude. I watched as she held her breath and counted to ten before answering again. "Look Elliot I put all my cards on the table I'm putting this behind me. Were never to have the same friendship. Just except it" she said harshly. Cragen was right. I shattered her world and I created somebody that could never ever forgive me again. That was when it hit me like a cannonball to the chest. Olivia was right we would never be the same people again. We would have to start all over being more accepting and loving this time. But not taking it too far. "Look I just came by to grab files. I didn't know you were going to be here. I didn't want this to happen this way. Goodbye Elliot" she said with a twinge of guilt and shame in her sentences. "Olivia one last thing" I yelled after her "I can't live without you now I can't even live with myself" I said low. She just turned around and continued walking. I could've swore I heard her weep a little a little but maybe it was just my imagination. I walked over to bunk room to lay down and let sleep take me in for a little while. Healing something that could never be healed.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**Alleyway in central Manhattan**

**August 1****st****, 2015**

**8:19 am**

"What'd we got" I asked the responding police assured walking next to Elliot. "A young female was found dead and raped in this company building dumpster by a bum" the young deputy said as we approached the giant green trash can. I pulled on my familiar latex gloves and opened it. Elliot and I both made a face of disgust as the smell of a dead body crammed its way into both our noses. "You know Liv I'm going to go question that um bum" Elliot said as he started in the elderly man's way. I tried reaching in to retrieve the girl's purse right next to her but she was too deep. I un- eagerly made my way into the dumpster. I got the girls purse and pulled it out but it was empty. I quickly climbed out and made my way to Elliot. "Well our bum seems pretty clueless. He said he was following his usual routine when he found her" he said when he finally reached her. "Well he must have been pretty spooked because he left behind a Kate Spade purse which I'm pretty positive is our Jane Does but is empty" I said putting the purse in the giant plastic bag. "So she has no ID" Elliot asked just to confirm. "Maybe Warner can tell us who she is" I said handing the bag to CSI. "Hey do you want to go out for some coffee" Elliot asked before I had the chance to walk away. I had been having these vivid dreams of Elliot lately that made me daunt to sleep. Not at all because they were painful but solely because they were ample. "I'm um sorry I have plans sorry maybe next time tomorrow maybe" I said knowing tomorrow would be out of the question too. "Yeah no it's Fine I probably have to get home to Kathy anyways" he said. Those harsh words tore through the bombilate air and seemed more clarion than the hum of the city. I drove back to the precinct alone so I could just drop off my stuff and leave. I walked to my apartment, again stopping to screw the light bulb like I do every day, and open the door to the solitary stale air that I had been uninfluenced by anyone in about a day or so. I picked up my house and I was going to call and order some pizza but I wasn't hungry. I had been sick to my stomach lately. I was hoping it was some façade that was going on, that I was fooling myself that I could ever be with somebody like that but I was guessing it wasn't because it had taken a mental and physical toll on me latterly and just wishing it away and talking to them the next day wasn't helping. I walked to my medicine cabinet to grab some medicine to try and ease my pounding headache. Medicine will make a headache go away but not the thoughts. I tried my hardest not to fall asleep laying on the couch I passed out pretty quick.

_It has been a long pandemoniac day but__decelerated__ towards the afternoon. It was just Elliot and I closing up the precinct because of the slow night. I was walking to the door side by side with El when I hip bumped him to lighten the mood. He turned to me "Liv" he said resting his hands gingerly on my hips and pulling my waist towards him. He didn't even really have to pull because in that moment gravity didn't exist. "El" I whispered "what are you d-" and before I could Finnish his lips crashed into mine causing me to finally shut up. My whole body was warm and numb and I couldn't help myself even though I knew it was wrong. Our lips crashed in this perfect chaos. It was soft but lustful all at the same time. He had no idea how many times I imagined what kissing him would be like. I tried my hardest to pull away but we were like two magnets. Opposites really do attract. "El" I said catching my breath "what about Kathy"? He loosened his grip and stepped back. "You're right it was wrong of me to do that" he said staring into my eyes with his piercing blue ones. "El" I said putting my hand on his shoulder. He pulled away and walked towards the door. I stood there rooted to the ground by shock. How could he just kiss me and walk away? My body was now cold and my ears were ringing._

I woke up. Why the hell had I dreamt of that? That could never happen. I rolled over to silence my screaming phone and the cold air rushed into my blanket and reminded me chillingly of the feeling in my dream but that was all it was. It was only a dream. I threw on my clothes and walked out my front door smiling as the warm sun rays hit my face. Summer was kissing me and the New York pavement. I walked into the coffee shop and ordered Elliot and I's coffee.  
>I walked into the precinct and the smell of coffee and dusty files was laced through the air. I saw Elliot and the flashes of my dream came spiraling back. It made my stomach lurch. All of a sudden everyone was staring at me and Finn was rushing over with Elliot by his side. "Liv are you okay" Elliot ask picking the coffee cups off the floor as Finn mopped it up with paper towels Munch brought him. "Yeah I'm Fine" I said flinching away from Elliot's touch and walking to the bunk room to clean off my pants.<p>

"So who's our Jane Doe' I asked marching into Warners office. "Your Jane Doe is Megan Reed. Daughter of Kelsey and Donovan Reed. You should go talk to them" Warner advised. "Thanks, you're the best you know" I said smiling to Warner as I bounced out the door.

**43167 West Tribeca NY, NY**

**August 1st, 2015 **

**12:32 pm**

I knocked on the door with Elliot standing readily at my side. "Hello Mrs. Reed, may we come in and talk" I asked as soon as she answered. "Yes um come in, the foyers to the right, let me go get my husband" she said timidly letting us in. She entered in again with her burly husband by her side. "Hello I'm Detective Olivia Benson with the New York City Manhattan Special Victims Unit and this is my partner Elliot Stabler. We are here in regards to your daughter Megan" I said slowly watching Mrs. Reeds face change. "Yes what about her" Mr. Reed said unfazed. "She was found in a dumpster in an alleyway near central Manhattan" Elliot said very bluntly. Mrs. Reed stood up and moved away from her husband, almost in disgust, but said nothing. "Can-can we see her" she asked between sobs. "I'm afraid that's not possible" Elliot said. Mr. Reed grabbed his wife and stood up, jerking her to the other room. "El we've got to get her out" I said quickly looking at him. 'I know' he mouthed back. "Okay its time for you to leave" Mrs. Reed said coming back in. She showed us back out the door after I handed her my card. "I'm going to talk to captain about a psych evaluation for Mr. Reed" I said getting in the car.

**PRE-LOG**

**43167 West Tribeca NY, NY**

**August 2****nd****, 2015 **

**7:10 am**

I died in faith. Everybody saw it coming, but nobody ever talked about it, because if you don't talk about it doesn't exist right? I forgive him of course. He's sick, he couldn't help it. That night was hard for all of us. He said he was sorry and I know he meant it, really. I know my husband. He knows it was wrong, because of the cross he wore on his rugged left arm. At least I'd like to think he knew. Maybe he'll stop. I mean the way he looked at my limp body on the hard cold concrete was of total remorse, or regret, either way I'm okay with because that means he'll get help. He'll tell Olivia and he'll get help. That's all he wants. Help. And I was his Final cry for it. She tried so hard but he shut her out even though he knew he would meet his demise if he didn't let her help. They'll find me though, and when they do he'll get help.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**SVU Precinct**

**August 2****nd****, 2015 **

**12:30 pm**

"El, look who just walked in" I said watching Donavan. His walk seemed staggered and rugged. Very unlike his normal semi-elegant long stride. "Hey Donavan what can we help you with" Elliot said stepping between Donovan and I. "She's gone, Olivia she's gone" he said breathlessly. "Who's gone" Elliot asked before I could. He grabbed his shoulders and squared him to himself so they looked each other dead in the eyes. "Kelsey" he said "I didn't mean to. I sat with the phone in my hand, about to call Olivia then I just snapped, and hung it up and snapped her". "Where is Kelsey" I asked jumping the gun so Elliot would let me ask some questions. "Our basement" he stuttered. "Aye you guys go we got Donovan" Finn said already slapping hand cuffs on him. I started out the door.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**43167 West Tribeca**

**August 2****nd****, 2015 **

**4:01 pm**

Olivia pounded down the steps before me. I watched her reach Kelsey and crumble around her. I stood aback on the bottom of the steps. "She's not breathing" she said placing a thin finger underneath her nose. "No pulse. Nothing. I should have asked Captain for the mental evaluation sooner, she might still be alive". "Damnit Liv really" I exclaimed behind her. "What Elliot" she asked defensively. "You blame yourself for every little thing that doesn't go right. It's all your fault if the stars don't align just right. I mean hell, a girl could be kidnapped in Los Angeles, and it'll somehow wind up your fault. We can't save them all Olivia. You did all you could". "Was that supposed to make me feel better? Because it didn't" she asked without a facial expression. "No I mean" I said pausing to gather my words "I just don't want you to downward spiral because you couldn't help someone". "Hey El, do us a favor and worry about your policing" she said breezing past me up the stairs. "What's that supposed to mean" I yelled after her. She didn't respond as CSI filed down the steps. "Hey guys do you have this from here" I asked already bouncing up the steps. "Go ahead".

**SVU Precinct**

**August 2****nd****, 2015 **

**4:48 pm**

I walked in and saw Olivia perched at Finns desk looking over files. "Olivia can we talk" I asked motioning towards the bunk room. She silently got up and led the way. I watched the sway of her hips as she glided across the floor. She was so perfect in what she did it was almost depressing. As you watched her most people were flustered in awe at how she carried herself. She was a woman as hard as granite with a heart of gold as soft as the clouds God himself sits on. She rounded the door jam and looked at me intently with her lush hazel eyes that captured everything anyone could ever love about the city. "What Elliot, what in God's name could you want to talk about right now"? "I'm sorry" I said reaching out to her biceps. She looked at me gingerly but still taunt. "It's okay El. We all snap. I'm used to it by now". "You shouldn't be used to it Liv" I said slowly watching her face relax into its natural shape. "Can we go get some coffee" she asked looking at the ground. "Yeah" I said pulling her into a hug. She didn't fight it but didn't welcome it either.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**Coffee Barista**

**August 2****nd****, 2015 **

**5:09 pm**

"So how's Kathy" I asked sitting down to make small talk. I may have cared at one point but now it's just a topic of conversation to get Elliot and me through silence. "She's okay; the kids are okay, and how's your brother" he asked. I couldn't read his face like I usually could. We were slipping out of our bond and we both knew it. "He's, well he's him" I said picking up my coffee and sipping. He didn't make a hint to carry on the conversation so I dropped it. I noticed his face getting slimmer. Almost raising his cheek bones but not quite there yet. His usually glowing skin faded into a dull admiration of what used to be him. His cupid's bow sat higher. Other than that his physique stayed intact. "We've never had this" he said looking at his coffee. "Never had what" I asked confused. "Nothing to say" he said quietly. "Sometimes nothing is better than everything" I said placing my hand on his. He looked up at me cautiously but with gentle eyes. "Olivia I'm not ready to lose you" he said it a lento type tone. "Who said you were losing me" I asked knowing what he was talking about. "Liv we both know it's inevitable. I don't know you like I used to, I can't read you like I could before, and it's not either of our faults, we can't help it" he said patronizingly. "We can help it" I said trying to doctor the situation. "How" he asked quizzically. "I-I don't know but we will" I said looking at him lightly. He smiled a small humorless smile and laughed a little. It was a forged laugh, but he did it for me. "Okay how about we do this. How about you come over to our house for a nonchalant informal dinner" Elliot conveyed. "Are you sure Kathy would be okay with that" I asked not wanting to tread on the grounds they did. "Yeah as long as I call ahead and pick it up she'll be fine" he said reassuringly. This time his smirk was as genuine as could be.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**Elliot's home**

**August 2****nd****, 2015 **

**5:00 pm**

"It was nice of you to drop in" Kathy said to Olivia not sparing any malice in her voice. "Um well I just thought I'd catch up with the kids and you" Olivia said smiling between bites of green beans. There was an unaccustomed pronominal silence that stretched the length of the table. "So Kathleen how's school" Olivia asked taking a drink. "It's actually going really well. I have a boyfriend now" Kathleen started until Kathy cut her off. "You have a" she exclaimed. "His name is Dylan and we have some classes together" Kathleen continued talking to Olivia. "That's great; your dad and I could run a background check" Olivia said winking. "Okay well I'm going to wash the dishes. Kathleen, Dick, why don't you join me" Kathy said getting up defeated. "I'm going to go ahead and head home" Olivia said standing up. "Alright I'll see you tomorrow" I said getting up to let her out. We stepped out into the fervent August night. "I'm sorry about that" I justified. "No I shouldn't have intruded in your home life" Olivia said putting her hand out. "My home life has been run to shit lately" I said running my fingers through my hair "but that's not your fault". She looked at me with the same tender brown eyes she had when she first walked into the precinct sixteen years ago. Her eyes never aged, or at least not as fast as the rest of her. She hadn't changed much. I watched her swivel on the ball of her foot and tread down the steps to her car. Completely incognizant to the fact that with every step she took, I fell more deeply and madly in love with her since those blissful sixteen years ago. Most men that have known Olivia fall in love with her body, her face, her hair. But that's not what I fell in love with at first. At first I fell in love with how tough and emotional she is. The passion that burns in the pit of her stomach every time she takes on a case. She is a voice of empathy for all of our victims. The way when she became my partner she adapted to my style and became like a sister to me. But she later became so much more. Our sexual tension built. It was loaded, layered, and suppressed. It still is. Every once in a while it feels as though Ishould've marriedher. All the late nights with coffee talking about her past life and mine. About how much she cared. Or the stupid little things like why she never carried a purse, or barely drove her intact Mustang, or failed to take any of her vacation days unless she was severely sick. Or all the times she helped me with Kathy. All the times she sat and talked to Maureen, Dickie, Lizzie, or Kathleen and helped them through hard times even my wife and I couldn't fix. Although a devout Catholic man I sit at times and ponder with God why Olivia hadn't had a child, why she never met the man of her dreams, or why the man of her dreams hadn't realized who he was.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**Olivia's home**

**August 3****rd****, 2015**

**12:03 am**

I finally sat down and looked at the clock. My apartment was still a mess in vain of the countless attempts to clean it. I clicked on my TV and sat feeling the cold couch steal my body heat. I got up to go lock my door when somebody knocked on it. I opened it up and Elliot stood in front of me. "Can I come in" he said looking up with tired eyes. "Yeah" I said clearing the doorway. He walked in and lingered around the coffee table rubbing his hands together. "Are you okay? Sit down and tell me about it" I asked a bit nervous. It's Kathy. I already know. I'm quite honestly not surprised but stay quiet. "Kathy and I got in a huge fight and she told me it was done. She slapped a giant packet down on the table and I already knew what it was without looking at it. She said she was tired and she can't do it anymore" he said in a flustered tone. I just simply put my hand on his bicep and he looked up. "I signed it" he said shakily. Almost like he was about to cry. I sat silently for a second. "El" I said as he crumbled into me. "I don't have a home Olivia. I gave it to her and the kids. I don't have anything anymore" he said suppressed. "Elliot you know that's not true. You have your job, and your health, and you know you always have me. I'm not going anywhere El" I said rocking him back and forth. I'd never seen him like this. He was not the usual Elliot. He was not completely enraged or totally pissed off by the fact that he lost a large chunk of his life. But I think he's not pissed because he is more relieved. "It'll all get better. You can stay here. The sky's still blue El I promise" I said in a hushed tone to lull him.

**Olivia's home**

**August 3****rd****, 2015**

**7:00 am**

I walked over to my tiny shower and turned on the water. I watched the steam rise and curl around my legs. Slithering up my body as it filled the room and left a hot dew on my skin. I stepped into the small glass cube of fog and slid under the hot water. I heard the door open and felt the cold rush into the room. "El is that you" I asked under the pounding water. "Yeah I just need to brush my teeth". "I used to believe in destiny you know" I started randomly "I'd go to the bagel place and see a guy reading my favorite novel while whistling the song that's been stuck in my head all week and I think 'wow hey maybe he's the one'. Now I think 'I just know that bitch is going to take that last whole-wheat everything bagel'" I said laughing. "You've just been focused on work" Elliot said taking the tooth brush out if his mouth for a second. "No it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not some depressed I'm going to cry in the middle of the day for no reason kind of way. Not even a middle of the night thing. It's just really I think I believe a little less and little less and a little less and a little less every day. And that sucks. What do I do about that Stabler" I asked pining to hear his voice through the dense air. "Your Olivia Benson, you start believing again" he said fully confidant. "In what destiny" I retorted with a smile even though he couldn't see me. He half laughed half sighed. "Chemistry. If you have chemistry only need one other thing" he said. "What's that" I asked knowing he was being serious. "Timing, but timing's a bitch" Elliot said laughing. "You got that right" I said squeezing the shampoo water from my hair and getting conditioner. I wasn't as awkward as I feared it would be. Although his timing was the same as mine he was never in my way. We were already synced. We knew each other's movements and motions.

**August 3****rd****, 2015**

**Roof top of the east car garage**

**3:00 pm**

The hot air of the New York summer rested on my cheeks. "Please Richard put the gun down" I asked the man that stood just inches away from me with a gun to a young girls head. "You don't wanna help her, you just wanna cover the agencies ass. They'll look bad if you don't save her" he said as the girl silently sobbed. "Richard you know that's not true now just please give me the girl" I asked. Where in the hell was Elliot. Richard pointed the gun at me. I took a cautious step back. "You don't care about her" he yelled repeatedly. "Richard you know I do" I said trying to calm him. "Don't bullshit me, it doesn't work" he yelled. He took swift steps towards me. "Richard stop" I yelled. He didn't. He just kept coming. I couldn't shoot him. I just couldn't. I swung the butt of my baby glock at his face hoping only to disorientate him. He stumbled a bit then looked up at me angrier than before. He tackled me to the ground, his hot body pinning mine. "Why would you lie" he asked. That's when the pressure on my shoulders and torso were relieved. I swung my head to the side and saw Elliot struggling to sustain Richard. I pulled my handcuffs out and clasped them hard on Richards's wrists. I looked over at the young girl. I saw fear in her eyes. It was a recognizable fear that once inhabited my eyes. I saw a young me. I walked over and wrapped my arms around her bare shoulders. "Hello I'm detective Olivia Benson" I said. I noticed the dewy sweat that lined her eyebrows and the way she flinched when I roughed her "I'm here to help you" I said slowly "what's your name" I asked. "Shannon Bilingsly" she said tucking a stray patch of matted red hair behind her ear. "Well Shannon my partner and I will take you to the hospital. We'll call your parents and it'll all be better. I promise." I said calming her. I walked her to the squad car. She shivered in my hands the entire time and it couldn't be because she was cold. This was something that would take time to heal. The police had showed up a few moments ago and Elliot had put Richard in the car and was sending him to our office. "Hey Liv" Elliot yelled as he walked towards me "Liv you could have died why didn't you call me sooner" he questioned as I put Shannon in the back of the car and shut the door. "Elliot" I scolded "not in front of Shannon". Elliot's face softened as realized what he said and he slumped over to the passenger's seat. The drive to the hospital was silent except for the occasional whimper that would escape Shannon while she struggled to sob silently. I pulled into the hospital and the back end of the car slid a bit. We were greeted by an anxious father in the waiting room. I turned to Shannon who was still a bit shaken. "Shannon you don't have to do the rape kit, we have Richard Dean in custody and have video of the rape. He can't hurt you anymore Shannon" I reassured her. She looked at me those big blue eyes that brought back memories. She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Thank you Olivia" she said softly in my ear. "You're welcome" I said embracing the hug. We left the hospital and Elliot insisted on driving. "Liv" he said breaking the silence "you need sleep your practically nodding off in your seat". He was right. I was going to hit the crib and be out like a light. I guess I did fall asleep in the car because I woke up to Elliot carrying me like a baby in to the office. I picked up my head for a second only to see his face then let my head fall back on his broad shoulder. I felt his heart beat against my arm. His breath smelt of coffee and cheese Danish. He laid me down on a bunk in the crib. I felt his callused thumb run across my forehead. "Good night" he said leaning in. He hesitated with his lips hovering above my forehead for a moment and the air became stale as if time had frozen. He stood back up after his lips never touched me and solemnly climbed into the bunk next to me.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**SVU Precinct**

**August 3****rd****, 2015**

**6:55pm**

I stared at the bars on the bed above me. Laying Olivia down like that was hard because I wanted to hold her. Just having her I'm my arms made her falling asleep in the car so much more worth it. Was she awake when I laid her down? Did she know I was going to kiss her? Hopefully if she was would forget it. I wanted Olivia. Not for the reason most people think but for her crazy love. I wanted her for that silly laugh she has when I make jokes during interrogation. I wanted her for that giant smile of hers. For the way she runs her fingers through her hair when she was stressed. I wanted to be the only man in her life. I just wanted Olivia for all her little things. I rolled over out of bed and went into the break room to get some coffee. The sink started and I spun around my heart jumping out of my chest. It was just Alex. "Oh my lord" I said. "I saw you carrying Liv in" she said giving me a smirk side look "is she okay". "Yeah she's fine just exhausted. She's asleep in the crib if you go in there" I said warning her. "No I'm not" I heard a voice come from the door way. It was Olivia. She poured herself a cup of coffee and left it black as night. "El come with me" she said as she walked out the door motioning with her fingers for me to follow her. I looked at Alex and half shrugged as I followed Olivia. I went into the crib and she was sitting on a bed with the coffee at her lips but she was not drinking. She was staring blankly at the wall. She put the coffee mug on the floor. "I know what you were going to do earlier" she said. My stomach flipped a million times and my head felt light. "Liv I'm sorry I- I didn't mean to I just I tried to stop myse-" she stood up and took my hands. "El its fine" she said putting her head on my chest. "Lay with me" she half asked half demanded. And that's exactly what we did. We just laid.


	2. Chapter 2

**EPILOGUE**

Hey guys so sorry about such a long break but I just started going back to school and we all know what that means; STUDYING, cry me a river! Ultimately I could blame it on a lot of things but instead I'll spare you the boring excuses and let you read. This chapter is to the song The Scientist by Coldplay. I recommend listening to the song while you read using this link ' watch/?v=RB-RcX5DS5A'. My apologies if the updates are few and far between but comment will surely help!

With love- E.J.A

**CHAPTER TWO; LET'S GO BACK TO THE START**

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**SVU precinct bunk room**

**August 4****th****, 2015**

**6:29 am**

I woke up to a single beam of light falling on my eyes and burning them. I groggily rolled over and shuffled my way to the break room to pour myself some coffee. Alex was rinsing a mug in the sink.

"So how did you sleep?" she asked with a creepy smile.

"Um fine." I said pouring my coffee and grabbing a doughnut from a box.

"You left your coffee black." she said.

"As black as my soul." I said laughing and heading to my desk. Right as I sat down a Manila envelope was slapped onto my desk. I looked up. Captain was standing readily by my desk.

"I need theses filed by five." he said before he swiveled on his heels and walked away. I let my head fall in my hands.

"You okay Liv?" I heard someone ask. I slowly brought my head up.

"Yeah." I said locking eyes with El.

"Hey we got a new case; it's the Stevenson case on apartment 195 17th street." Fin announced. I spun around and pulled on my vest and grabbed my gun. Elliot put his hand on my shoulder.

"You sure you're okay to go?" he asked with a very concerned face.

"Yeah El I can handle myself." I said pushing past him and running out to the squad car. I went to open the driver's door when Elliot grabbed my wrist.

"No Liv I'm driving." he said. I didn't protest just to please him. We got in the car and sped to 17th street. When we pulled up the door was sitting wide open. Elliot took the lead even though it was out of formation and we swiftly made our way up the steps. The apartment was dark and the air was musky. We reached the door.

"NYPD open up!" I yelled. No response. The air was frozen. I lifted my foot and kicked the door. I did the same again and it didn't budge. Elliot backed me away and rammed it with his shoulder and it flew open.

"One more kick and I would have had it." I said running in. A man yanked me around by the neck.

"One more step and I shoot her!" he yelled to Elliot. Elliot froze.

"Put the gun down!" the man commanded. Elliot stayed still with his gun in the air. "Put the gun down!" he yelled pushing the gun on my temple. I felt droplets of spit land on my neck. Elliot lowered to a crouch and put the gun on the ground.

"Okay I'm putting the gun down. Let the woman go." Elliot said calmly. I surveyed the room. Tables were flipped over and empty pots were thrown around the room. I saw a foot in the corner behind a door. I locked eyes with Elliot and made him follow mine to the foot.

"What are you looking at?" the man asked.

"I noticed you had a picture of your family." Elliot said walking over to the table and picking up the picture frame. "It's a nice family. Young son and daughter, kinda look like twins, and a very beautiful wife." Elliot said. The man's grip loosened a little bit.

"Yeah that was us in Cancun a few summers ago." he said.

"You know I have five kids." Elliot said "and I would have done anything in the world for my kids; is that what this is about? Is it about your kids?" Elliot asked putting the picture back in its place. The man released his grip on me.

"Yes." he said letting the gun fall to the ground.

"What's your name?" Elliot asked.

"Jacob Camber." he said. I walked behind him and pushed him up against the wall.

"Well Jacob you're under arrest for assaulting an officer and resisting an officer. You have the right to an attorney and anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law." I said. Elliot pushed open the door and the man's daughter collapsed from her resting place on to the floor. "And much more." I said leading him out the door to the cops.

"Aye Fin help me get this girl out to the ambulance she still has a pulse!" I heard Elliot yell.

**Mercy Hospital**

**August 4****th****, 2015**

**5:22 pm**

_"Why mommy?" echoed down the halls as a young girl asked her mom. I charged as quietly as I could down the hall. Smack. It shattered the air. _

_"NYPD drop your weapons!" I yelled as I rounded the corner. I dropped my gun. It was me. Sitting on the floor. My mother above me. My tattered pajamas stuck to my skin by sweat. My face bloody and my body was bruised. They didn't stop. It was like I was a shadow. I just didn't exist. It just kept going. Smack after smack after smack. _

_"What did I do mommy?" the young me asked. _

_"What did you do?" She asked her in rage "what did you do, you ruined my life." she said sinking to the ground against a wall while running a gun across his face. _

_"I'm sorry mommy." I pleaded. "I love you." I said crawling over to him. "_

_Get away!" I screamed to the young me. I heard a faint beeping and Elliot yelling my name. The beeping got louder. I ran at my mom and tried so hard to beat her off of her and ward her away but I couldn't do it. My punches didn't faze her. The beeping was louder. _

I woke up. I heard Elliot yelling. "We need a nurse!" he yelled as my eyes and ears slowly adjusted. The beeping was as intense as ever. My vision was spotty and my hearing went in and out. "Liv, Liv stay with me Liv." I heard Elliot say as he cried. He grabbed my hand. The nurses and a doctor ran in.

"Her heart rates too high!" a nurse yelled.

"She's having heart palpitations. She has one hundred twenty beats a minute. It's extra systole!" another yelled.

"Okay give her two hundred milliliters of Delodin and call Dr. Aaron in cardiology for an echocardiogram." the doctor ordered. "Sir I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I heard him say.

"No I'm not leaving Liv!" I heard Elliot yell. His hand was ripped away as they wheeled me down the hall. We got half way down and my chest started to tighten and I couldn't breathe.

"She's going into cardiac arrest. Nurse on the bed and supply oxygen." the doctor ordered. I felt like my chest was being driven on top of. They pushed me in the room and checked my ears for earrings and my stomach for a bellybutton ring and shoved me in the machine. I looked to the side and saw Elliot on the other side of the glass. He had his hands pressed to the window and he was looking down at the ground. He was the only one here for me. The only one.

"Olivia we need you to rest your head." a voice said over and intercom. I heard a loud buzzing noise. I let my head fall to the pillow. When it was over they pulled me out and let me sit up. I looked back at Elliot and the doctor was talking to him. He threw his hands up in the air and yelled something that was muffled by the walls. He walked in.

"Liv are you okay?" he asked panicked "how do you feel?"

I looked up at his big blue eyes. He rubbed his thumb across my forehead.

"I'm okay." I said quietly with all my strength "I told you I could handle myself." I said smiling. A single tear fell off his cheek and landed on my hand. I grabbed his hand. "I'll be out soon." I said.

"And I'll be here with you until you do leave." he said. They took me back to my room and Elliot held my hand the entire way there. When we got there he sat back down in the same seat he slept in last night.

"What happened?" I asked closing my eyes for a second.

"Well little Mrs. 'can handle herself' got in a fight on a call and has hit pretty hard in the chest." he said laughing.

"Hey it's not funny." I said letting a giggle escape myself. His hand was still interlocked in mine and we sat there and watched Jeopardy till the morning. I wasn't falling asleep anytime soon.

**Elliot's car**

**August 18****th****, 2015**

**5:30am**

The rain on the windshield changed color as all the different cars passed. Elliot and I finally got to go home and we started work again tomorrow. I knew going back to work at the same time as Elliot would raise suspicion on Alex, Casey, and Nick's part. Fin knew, maybe he told them. I mean we left together and came back together. But we were at a hospital it's not like we were off in Peru together even though that sounds nice. Elliot had spent countless hours with me at the hospital, mainly just sitting and talking, and he got some stuff out of me that I hadn't told anyone about. Some of the stuff I didn't even know I remembered. I looked over at Elliot. His eyes were heavy with worry and sleep. He didn't look like Elliot. He looked like a ghost of himself. He pulled over at my apartment. He got out and walk to my side of the car to open the door for me. He took me by my hand and we slowly made our way the steps. Elliot had already promised to make or buy our meals for the rest of the week so he set my stuff in my living room and headed to the kitchen. I sat down at the bar and observed him.

"So what are you making?" I asked.

"Chicken Florentine, mother's recipe." he said.

"This early?" I asked laughing. I looked down at the trash. "Is your mom's name Bernoulli?" I asked picking up the food bag.

"You're too good at your job." he said "Okay so maybe my mom's name is Linda and she didn't cook a day in her life but its close enough". We both busted out laughing.

"El do you remember when I said I'd give you a kidney?" I asked.

"Yeah why?" he asked as he scooped the Florentine into the bowls.

"It still counts." I said slowly pinching his ear. I know he hated that. He turned around so we were face to face. He grabbed my face and kissed me. Our lips locked in an unexplained chaos that created a spark that ignited something deep inside. I felt his body quake against mine. The pain that once shattered through my body was vaguely there. Our bodies stayed locked together like magnets as we fell to the couch. I sat on top of him as he kissed me. I tried to pull apart but the urge was too strong. He put his hands on the small of my back. He slowly ran it up my back and pulled me in. We were so close already but then we got closer which I didn't think was physically possible. He unlocked from my lips and kissed my jaw bone down to my neck and then to my collar bones. I put my hands on his chest and sat up.

"Elliot I can't do this." I said. I got off of a confused Elliot and fixed my cloths while walking into the kitchen. I heard him get up.

"Liv I'm sorry." he said walking in.

"El." I said grabbing his hands "its okay I just need time." He looked at me with soft blue eyes.

"I know Liv." he said running his thumb across my forehead.

"Let's eat." I said sitting down on the couch and turning on the news. Immediately reports of the female cop struck brutally in the chest comes up with all the wild accusations following. El walked into the kitchen, returning with two bowls, but he didn't sit down. He opened a small pantry and pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses. He poured me some before sitting down.

"Let's raise our glasses and toast to health and partners." he said while tapping the glass with his fork. He was such a dork. We clinked glasses and sipped. We both started eating and I was intently studying the plate pattern when I realized Elliot was talking to me. I was looking at him talking but I wasn't processing what he was saying.

"I'm sorry what Elliot?" I asked when I saw his lips stop moving.

"I was saying there's a really good coffee place down the street and we should go in the morning on our way to work, are you okay Liv?" he asked.

"Uh yeah just really tired." I lied. I wasn't tired at all. I was thinking. Thinking about Elliot and the kiss and how in the moment I knew we were perfection. I just couldn't bring myself to be with him like that.

"You can go to bed and I'll clean up." Elliot said standing up.

"Okay." said as I painfully made my way to my room. I sat down on the bed. I had to take a shower. The only thing hospital soap is good for is drying out your skin. I grabbed what looked like a clean towel on the top of a laundry basket. I got in and turned the water so hot the room was automatically filled with steam and my skin burned. I love hot showers like this. I heard the door creek open.

"Liv I'm going to run out and pick up some stuff I'll be back in a bit!" Elliot yelled in.

"Okay." I said. I could take my time in the shower. I let the water wash over me and rinse away the past few days. It felt amazing.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**Olivia's apartment**

**August 18****th****, 2015**

**11:49 am**

By the time I got back Liv was passed out in the bed. She was so peaceful. She had helped herself to one of my giant tee shirts instead of unpacking her bags and she looked like she was swimming in it. I put the milk and eggs that I bought in the fridge and went back to check on her before crashing on the couch. Liv stirred a little and rolled over to face me.

"Lay with me." she said groggily patting the bed before she closed her eyes again. Her face was relaxed and a few locks of her hair fell in her face. I brushed some out of her eyes. I never imagined I'd be lying in the same bed as my partner, well accept for when Dani was my partner, but she was easy. Olivia was different. She made me work to be closer to her. She knew I loved her and she toyed with me. She was crazy and so was her love. She'd told me countless times she was married to her work but in my mind that only meant her and I had been dating for twelve years, I mean I am part of her work. But that's was a dumb thought. Olivia saw me as detective Elliot Stabler who she would take a bullet for and confide in and that would always be it. I wanted more but I couldn't push her to feel that way. That would only make her distance herself. It would just take time. I looked up.

She opened her eyes a bit then scooted towards me and nuzzled her face in my chest while wrapping her arms around me. Not as long as I had thought. I put my arms around her and slowly drifted off to sleep.

**Olivia's room**

**August 19****th****, 2015**

**5:00am**

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

The alarm shattered the air. I rolled over and looked at the bright blue numbers that pierced my eyes. It was five. We had to get up. I rolled back over after silencing the alarms screams.

"Liv we gotta get up." I said lightly running my thumb across her forehead.

"Okay-okay I'm up. Leave the room so I can get dressed." she said sitting up abruptly and grabbing her bag.

"Okay." I said grabbing some pants and a shirt out of my closet. I turned around to leave and Liv was pulling off her shirt.

"Whoa Liv just hold up a second we have an hour." I said covering my eyes with my shirt.

"Come on El it's not like you've never seen a woman I mean you have five kids!" she shouted.

"Okay I mean if you're okay with it." I said putting down the shirt just as she pulled a V-neck sweater over her head.

"Okay listen you cannot see me like this so out." she said pushing me out the door.

"Okay okay I'm going." I said walking out the door. A few minutes later she came sprinting out of the room while pulling her hair up.

"Let's roll." she said.

"Hey wait jacket. It's pouring." I said while handing her the jacket she had flung on a chair in the living room when we first got here. She was excited to go back to work. She hopped in the passenger's seat of my squad car and was almost bouncing up and down.

"So what's this coffee place called?" she asked after calming down a little. She brushed the water off her face and bangs.

"Um it's a place my friend owns called Coffee Palace." I said. The rain ripped off the car with the wind of the August thunder storm that tore through New York.

"Who?" she asked after a minute.

"Just an uh old friend of mine." I said. I couldn't tell her it was my uncle. She'd ask how I knew him and there'd be some major back story I didn't want to explain. We pulled up to the curb and parked. I looked over at Olivia.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Ready." Olivia said cutting her eyes and opening the door. We bolted in. I flipped off my hood and looked up.

"Look at little El all grown up." my uncle shouted as we walked in. Olivia looked over at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Little El?" she said smirking.

"And who's your gorgeous date?" my uncle asked. Oh God.

"Oh thank you. Hello my name is Olivia Benson I'm Elliot's partner." Olivia said extending her hand.

"Wow she's really proper. She doesn't even say girlfriend." my uncle said shaking her hand.

"Oh no not that kind of partner, I'm his partner at work." she said blushing.

"Oh I'm sorry, and I never introduced myself. I'm Elliot's uncle David." my uncle said releasing Olivia's hand.

"Uncle?" Olivia questioned. She turned to me. "I though you said it was just a friend?" Olivia asked me.

"Yeah well I didn't want you to uh freak that I had any family I knew." I explained. She looked at me quizzically. "Well we just need some coffee and to hit the road." I said turning to my uncle.

"Sure anything for little El and his partner. What kind of coffee would you like?" he asked.

"Um I'll take Peruvian with light half and half and she'll have Colombian straight." I said answering for Olivia.

"Ahh you see that Olivia. A man who knows your coffee type is a keeper." my uncle said as he made our coffees.

"Oh I see." Olivia said turning to me "maybe he is." she said as she took our coffee. She pulled out a ten and put it on the counter.

"Oh no I wouldn't ask little El or any of his friends to pay. It's on the house." my uncle said pushing the dollar back to her.

"Oh well thank you." Liv said taking the dollar and jamming it back in her pocket.

"We better go." I said. We turned to walk back into the pouring sheets of rain.

"You guys come back any time." my uncle called after us.

"Thanks uncle D." I called back before walking out. The rain pounded on my hood as I ran to the car to open the door for Liv. She jumped in and I ran around. We'd be late for work if I didn't step on it and Captain would chew me out. I got in and the steam of the coffee had already made the car fog up. Olivia carefully sipped her scorching hot coffee as we pulled in. We walked in and the first voice I heard was Casey's.

"El, Liv!" she yelled. Everyone stopped and looked up.

"Hey it's Benson and Stabler!" Captain yelled. Everyone gathered around the door.

"Hey hey everybody can we all say our hellos at Liv's desk. She needs to sit." I said parting the way for Liv to walk. We walked over and I helped her slowly sit.

"I shouldn't have run earlier." she said sitting down a bit winded.

"Is your chest tight?" I asked squatting down in front of her and resting my hands on her thighs.

"No no I'm good just need to sit." she said resting her hands on mine. I picked up her coffee off the floor and set it on the desk. She grabbed it and shakily sipped.

"Okay I understand. Here take my hand and I'll walk you to the crib." I said helping her stand up. I walked her slowly to the crib and laid her down.

"El, stay with me, I know Cap won't send us out so just stay with me." she said grabbing my hand.

"Okay okay I'll stay." I said. Olivia sat up and I sat behind her. She laid back and rested her head on my chest and shut her eyes. I started to stroke her hair until I heard her quietly snoring and felt her chest purr as she did. The steady rise and fall slowly lulled me to sleep so I wrapped my arms around her and drifted.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**SVU precinct bunk room**

**August 19****th****, 2015**

**7:30 am**

I woke up. I couldn't move. Elliot's arms were wrapped around me and he was asleep. I stopped and looked at his tattoo. I traced it with my finger till he stirred.

"El hey El." I said moving his arms from around me.

"Hey Liv are you okay?" he said sitting up and smiling.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine but it's." I clicked my phone screen on "seven thirty in the morning." I said getting up. I picked up my bag and then my knees felt weak.

"El I um need to get home and take an uh shower and stuff." I said leaning against the wall.

"I'll drive you home." he said pulling on his jacket and taking my hand. "Lean against me until you feel stable." he said putting his arm around me.

"Oh okay." I said leaning in him. He carefully led me out crib and to his squad car.

"Hey hey sit carefully." Elliot said putting his hand above my head so I wouldn't hit it.

"El I'm fine." I said. I rested my head on the cold window.

"Liv are you sure you're okay?" he asked putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah I'm sure. Just need a shower and stuff." I said shrugging his concern off. He pulled out. The storm had stripped the leaves off the trees and they flung up around the squad car and danced in the upward twirling air like tiny tornados on the road. I looked over at Elliot who had his eyes glued to the road. He pulled over to the curb in front of my apartment.

"Liv are you sure you're okay to be by yourself?" he asked putting his hand on my shoulder and giving me big doe eyes.

"Yeah I'm sure could you just help me in." I asked opening the door.

"Yes of course." he said hopping up to help me like he always does. We got to the top of the steps and I turned to face Elliot.

"Thanks El." I said giving him a surprise hug that lasted what felt like an amazing forever. He was simply going to work and coming back to my apartment but I wanted him to stay so bad. But he needed work and they needed him. His dewy cheek was pressed to mine and we just sat there and held each other and swayed a little. He held my hand till we couldn't anymore as he walked away. I went inside and took a hot shower before passing out on my couch. My eyes felt heavy.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**Coffee Palace**

**August 19****th****, 2015**

**11:00 am**

I walked into Coffee Palace.

"Hey uncle D." I said as I walked up to the counter.

"Hey lil El. Where's your girlfriend, I mean uh partner?" my uncle asked cocking a wiry eyebrow and grinning to show his perfect teeth.

"She's back at the house resting. I just dropped her back off." I explained.

"From what a date?" he asked laughing.

"No actually she fell asleep in my arms at work and wanted to go home." I said taking my coffee.

"Hey wait." he said putting another cup of coffee on the counter "take this for her. It's on the house." he said flashing a smile.

"Thanks. I'll tell her you sent it." I said leaving. I got in the car and drove to work watching everyone shuffle on the sidewalks to their jobs. I slammed on my breaks almost passing the parking lot. My coffee splashed foreword onto my radio but Liv's stayed put. I wiped it off and bounded up the front steps.

"Hey did Liv come back in?" I asked Finn knowing she was.

"Naww" he said looking confused. I ran to Liv's desk to drop off her coffee before it got cold but her desk was empty. I went to Caps office.

"Hey Cap where Liv is?" I asked almost out of breath.

"She's not in yet?" he asked.

"Oh God." I said under my breath.

"Okay you go check her house I'll call her cell maybe she's just sick and didn't call in." he said. That's the last I heard as I ran out the door. I skidded to a stop in front of her house and sprinted up the steps. I hit the doorbell a few times with my fist before remembering I had her spare key in case she ever lost hers and since I was staying with her. I pulled out my key and unlocked the door as quick as I could. I ran up the steps and banged on her door.

"Liv, Liv!" I yelled while I continued to pound. She didn't answer. I pulled out my keys again. I couldn't let her sit in there any longer if she was hurt. "Liv!" I yelled drawing my gun as I ran in. I made my way into her living room and I saw her hand dangling off the end of the couch.

"Olivia are you okay?" I said running to her. She sat up groggily.

"Yeah I'm fine what time it is?" she asked letting her head roll.

"Dammit Liv it's eleven. You said you were coming back in at ten. You drove me and Captain on a wild goose chase." I said throwing my hands up in the air.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't hear my phone and I didn't set my alarm lets uh go." she said rambling and grabbing her stuff.

"Liv I think you should take another day off." I said grabbing her arm.

"Get off me. No I'm going to work and you're driving me." she said jerking her arm away and continuing to walk out the door. I got in the car. She was staring straight forward.

"Are you going to drive or what?" she asked harshly.

"Or what Olivia. I don't think you're in any condition to work." I advised.

"That's not an opinion for you to have. Captain cleared me. Now drive." she commanded.

"Captain cleared you for desk work okay!" I shouted.

"Hey just let me remind you that you came back to on field duty after you got shot on that case with the monkey and all that happened with me was a little slap around with some men. Now please just drive!" she pleaded on the verge of tears. Her eyes were foggy and masked with despair. I wasn't make up for this one tonight.

"Okay okay let's just go." I said stepping on the gas. Olivia didn't take her eyes off the road.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**Elliot's car**

**August 19****th****, 2015**

**11:12 am **

I can't believe him. I stood up for him when Cap told him he had a week's leave when he was shot, I cannot believe him. I sat and stared at the trees that flew by like blurs. Elliot put his hand on my shoulder and I flinched. Visions of prison flashed though my head.

"Are you okay Liv?" Elliot asked softly.

"How many times are you going to ask me that Elliot I mean come on it's not like you really care?" I shouted.

"Liv you know I care. I care about you enough to lay with you late at night and bring you coffee and drive you home every day and stay with you! I mean hell Olivia I'd take a bullet for you!" he said slowing to a red light and putting his fingers against his temple.

"El I-I know that you know I do. I don't know what happened. I just snapped I thought about the cop and prison and I just, just snapped. I'm sorry." I said shocked at my own actions.

"Liv you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you." he said slowly "I just wanna help you I mean your my Livy love, my one true partner." I pulled my shaky hands apart and put one on his thigh.

"I know El." I said. Maybe I just need to trust him. Midday sunshine shone through the window and into my eyes. I pulled down the visor and sunk in my seat. A few minutes later we rolled to a stop and parked the car.

"Liv were here." he said getting out and walking to my door. We got in and he helped me sit at my desk.

"Liv El we got a call." Captain said as soon as we sat down.


	3. Chapter 3

**EPILOGUE**

Wow guys thanks so much for all the wonderful feedback. It means a lot really. This chapter is to the song Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood. Sadly I could not find this one on so you may have to click off screen and replay it on a computer of just put it on repeat on your phone. Aside from that little mishap hope you still enjoy. I recommend listening to the song while you read using this link ' watch?v=ItoX1aEJsww&feature=player_embedded'. My apologies if the updates are few and far between but comment will surely help!

With love- E.J.A

**CHAPTER THREE PART ONE; RAIN IS FALLIN**

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**SVU precinct**

**August 20****th****, 2015**

**7:00 pm**

I walked out into the brutal New York summer. I loved this kind of weather although winter was my favorite. Sun rays danced through the sky till they softly landed on the already heated ground. I walked to my car and felt the waves of heat incase my body. I sat down on the bitterly hot leather seats and crammed my key into the ignition. I may love the weather but the heat always got to me after a minute. The bright lights in the car lit for a second and then went back out. I tried again but the car kept stalling.

"Come on." I groaned letting my head fall and rest on the steering wheel. I opened the door and stepped back into the heat. Looks like I'm walking. I started on my seven block climb back home when I noticed the aroma of coffee wafting through the air. I followed the smell till I was opening the door to Coffee Palace. I never noticed it was on my walk home.

"Ahh Olivia. How are you this fine day Mrs. Benson?" David yelled as he came from behind the bar and pulled me in for a hug. The people in the cafe looked up for a brief second at me then returned to their phones and books.

"Hello Mr. Stabler I'm fine." I blurted out not knowing what to call him.

"Oh no no no Olivia you call me David." he said smiling.

"Okay." I said sitting down at the coffee bar as he returned to his post behind the counter. I looked up at him and for a second saw the same light in David's eyes that I always couldn't help but Find in Elliot's.

"What can I help you with, this isn't about Elliot is it?" he asked in a concerned sort of way.

"Oh no not at all my car just won't start and I had a rough case today and coffee will just clear my head." I explained.

"Coffee will work wonders." he explained. David looked at me with soft eyes.

"Your job is so hard." he said putting his hand on top mine and placing my coffee next to my hand.

"I know I know but I could never quit." I said picking up my coffee and fixing my jacket. I left the shop with a Final hug and fair well bid from David and restarted my walk home. The rain had picked up and landed gingerly on my buttery leather jacket. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. It was from Elliot.

"Hey I'm getting Chinese, want some?" it read. I typed rapidly

"When do I not?! I'll be home in ten". I started to jog.

"What is a fine lady like you doing out in this weather at this time of day?" a man said pulling up next to the side walk and driving at my jogging speed.

"Not talking to strangers." I replied not making eye contact.

"Look I can give you a lift home?" he offered keeping pace.

"Okay sir". I said stopping as he did the same "NYPD." I flashed my badge "keep moving and if I see you so much as talk to another woman ever again I'm taking you in."

He looked shocked for a moment and then pulled off and didn't stop till he was out of sight. I continued my jog till I reached my stoop. I climbed the steps and finally reached my apartment. I opened the door and the lights were on and I could hear the low mumbling of the TV in the living room. I walked in and the TV was on low and a blanket was thrown across my couch. Must have left it that way with my rush this morning. I plopped on the couch and texted Elliot to see how far he was. I heard a phone buzz. It was in my kitchen. I placed my hand on my gun and slowly made my way there. I rounded the corner and pointed.

"Hey wait whoa slow down Liv I was just putting some beef and broccoli on a plate for you." he said while flinching.

"Oh God El didn't know you were home already." I said putting my gun back in my belt and relaxing my chest. I felt my heart rate slowly fall.

"Home? Of course" he said brushing past me and making his way to my couch. I grabbed my plate and made my way back to the living room. El was cozy on the end of the couch I always sat on but I didn't complain.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**Olivia's house**

**August 20****th****, 2015**

**8:09 pm**

She sat down at the edge of the couch still looking a bit flustered that she didn't know I was here.

"Sorry I should have said hey when I heard the door open." I said shoving a fork full of lo main in my mouth.

"Really Elliot its okay." she said picking up the remote and turning off the TV. She turned to me and locked eyes.

"Remember that time I told you I tried for adoption and they declined me?" she asked softly. I sat up. Was she pregnant?

"Yeah I do what about it?" I asked. I knew she could tell that worry was thick in my voice when she put her hand on mine.

"Don't worry El I'm not pregnant or anything." she said. I let out a sigh of relief. Then what was it?

"Well then what is it?" I asked still confused.

"Well I'm trying again." she said as her eyes lit up with excitement.

"That's great Liv, when will you find out if you were accepted or declined?" I asked. She looked down at the table at a letter.

"Well the letters right there but I don't want to open it." she said slowly.

"How long have you had it?" I asked reaching for it. I knew she wanted me to open it for her but I felt the same way she did. I had this ping of hope in the pit of my stomach that she would have a kid. I mean she's great with them. She deserved one above all people I knew.

"It's been about a month." she finally replied. I pulled it open. It felt like I was having another kid and we were just finding out the sex. Slowly I unfolded the letter looking at Olivia who had her thumbnail between her teeth. I read carefully. Absorbing every word. I looked up solemnly after a minute.

"Olivia I'm so sorry." I said. Tears formed on the waterline of her eyes and she collapsed into the couch. I set the letter back down on the coffee table and pulled her into me. My shirt would be soaking wet and black from Olivia's makeup but I honestly could care less.

"Elliot don't leave." she sobbed in my shoulder.

"How could I ever leave you Livy?" I said slowly rocking back and forth. And that's how we stayed. Just rocking back and forth on her couch with Chinese food surrounding us in darkness. The lights from the city cast our shadow on the wall behind us. Steady rain picked up against the sliding door.

"Liv you can't know sunshine without a little rain." I said resting my lips on the top of her head. I felt the jump of her chest as she cried silently but hysterically. Eventually it calmed down to a steady rhythm and I laid back and stretched out across the couch with Liv on top of me. Her head nuzzled into my chest and her legs between mine.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**SVU precinct**

**August 21****st****, 2015**

**7:00 am **

I walked up to the NYPD building with Elliot and a coffee in my hand. I'd been doing that a lot lately. I had woken up on top of Elliot and that had been awkward but he didn't seem to mind much.

"Let's go up to the lounge and finish our coffee before work." Elliot said opening the door for me. We climbed the steps to the lounge to sit and sip like usual but before we could even sit down Cragen stuck his head out his door and yelled our names.

"Liv Elliot my office. Now." he said. We both gave each other odd looks and walked in.

"Liv there's a little girl on the phone. I think you should talk to her." Cragen said handing me his phone.

"Hello this is detective Olivia Benson special victims." I said as Cragen motioned for Elliot and him to leave. At first it was silent but then I heard a meek voice.

"O-Olivia?" they said.

"Yes this is Olivia. Can I help you?" I asked.

"Well my mommy gave me this number to call in case I ever needed help." she said quietly "she told me to ask for my aunt Olivia.". Aunt Olivia? I couldn't worry about that now I had to find her.

"Sweet heart can you tell me your name?" I asked her.

"It's Grace." she said.

"Grace what?" I asked frantically.

"I don't know. Olivia I'm scared." she said as he voice wavered.

"Okay okay just stay on the phone with me Grace. Who's your mommy?" I asked. There wasn't a response. I set down the phone for a second and went to the door.

"El." I yelled "tap the line and trace the phone." I said slamming the door and running to the phone.

"Olivia?" I heard her ask.

"Yes Grace I'm here. Grace I need you to tell me your mommies name?" I asked.

"My mommies name is Sunshine she said you'd know her." Grace said. Sunshine. That was Gladys' street name.

"Okay Grace I'm going to give you a number and I want you to call it, it's my cellphone number okay, its 467-555-7450." I said.

"Okay I'll call it." she said.

"Okay I'm hanging up now." I said. I pulled the phone away from my ear and put it down. My hands were sweaty and clammy. I sat in silent suspense for a moment. I felt everything happening. Saw every detail. My cell phone rung. I shakily grabbed it.

"Hello Grace its Olivia." I said. "Olivia they have me running. I can't see it's so dark." she sobbed.

I walked into the meeting room. I pulled the phone away from my ear.

"El its Gladys' daughter." I said. He looked shocked. I put the phone back to my ear. "Grace what are you running from?" I asked.

"The men, the ones that took my mommy, they told me not to yell and I did and they told me it was time to play tag and that I had a five minute head start and I'm hiding in an alley." she said frantically.

"Okay Grace I need you to do something for me okay, I need you to look at the street you're on, this is important." I said.

"Okay it's um it looks like East Seventeenth Street." she said rapidly. I heard her breathing heavily.

"Okay Grace stay on the phone with me. I'm coming." I said grabbing my jacket.

"Please hurry." she said breathlessly.

"I am Grace I am just stay with me" I said as I found out the door with Elliot at my heels. I slammed the door and pulled off hardly giving El enough time to get in the car. The sound of tires peeling out on pavement boomed through the air around us. Every turn was in slow motion. Finally I saw the intersection about twenty feet ahead. Suddenly the sound of distant sirens were heard behind us. Finn must have called for backup. I snapped out of listening to the sirens just in time to watch us pass the street. I slammed on the breaks and spun the wheel as hard as I could as we did a half doughnut and people swerved around us.

"Liv!" I heard Elliot yell as I gunned it to Seventeenth Street. I made the hard right turn and the back end of the car swung around. Elliot reached for the handle above the door to steady himself. That's when I saw her. An innocent little girl ran out of an alley. Her frayed jeans long enough for her to trip over them as she stumbled. I pulled up a little farther in front of her and launched out of the car as Elliot did the same. I ran in front of her and scooped her into my arms.

"Grace!" I said as she cried hysterically "it's okay."

"Olivia I can't breathe. Their coming for me and now they'll get you!" she said. Her petite body frame crumbled against me as she collapsed into my chest.

"I won't let them touch you." I whispered in her ear as I rocked her back and forth. I picked her up and walked to the passenger's seat of the squad car. She couldn't weigh more than thirty pounds and I could feel her heart beat thump against my stomach through her thin rib cage. Her tiny finger's clutched onto on of mine. Everything about her was small. Her thick wavy brown hair cascaded around her face and onto me. She shook in my arms. That's when he back window shattered.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**August 21****st****, 2015**

**Seventeenth Street**

**7:46 am**

I watched Olivia scoop Grace up and run to the car. I turned around, blood boiling, and saw two men whip around the turn and gunning off. Right into the line of cops. Not so smart. I aimed my gun to shoot there tires and that's when it hit me. Heat enveloped my side and I felt my body slowly hit the ground. Agonizing pain waved over my body every second, every breath, and every excruciating movement. Spasms of shaking blanked my body. Then I heard her. Olivia's voice poured out in a shrill scream of my name. It pierced the air, and for a second, just knowing she was there relieved my pain.

"Officer down. My partners been shot. I need an ambulance on East Seventeenth Street!" she said into her radio as she ran over to me. I heard her knees hit the pavement next to me.

"Please hurry!" she whispered to herself. She hovered over my then grabbed my hand.

"God Damn it Elliot Stabler you don't give up on me now. Don't you do it." she said to me in panic.

"Liv I-I could never." I said stopping to take a break to be able to breath "never give up on you." I said as I squeezed her hand. But I felt my eyes weighing down. I felt myself slipping.

"No no no Elliot don't do this!" she said as she ripped off her jacket. I felt her press it to my side to slow the bleeding.

"Liv don't ruin your jacket." I said staggered.

"Elliot you've got to be kidding me." she said sobbing.

"It can't end like this!" she yelled. She breathlessly cried.

"Oli-." I tried to choke out.

"Elliot stop talking please!" she said trying to think about what to do next. How to save my life. I painfully picked up my hand and touched my middle and ring finger to the bottom of my palm making the 'I love you' sign. She looked up and I let my hand fall.

"I love you too." she said smiling as her tears fell off her face and onto mine. I caved in and let my eyes fall shut as I heard the ambulances approach.

"Elliot? Elliot no!" I heard Liv yell. Her hand stayed tightly gripped around mine as the EMT's came.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**August 21****st****, 2015**

**Seventeenth Street**

**7:46 am**

The glass shattered and landed on Grace and me like rain on the pavement. Had Elliot shot the perps? I sat Grace on the driver's side which was surprisingly glass free. I snatched the keys and placed my hand on my gun in case the other one was on the run. I got out of the car and spun around to see Elliot. Laid limp and helpless in the middle of the road.

"Elliot!" I screamed as I began to run at my fallen partner.

"Officer down. My partners been shot. I need an ambulance on East Seventeenth Street!" I screamed into my radio as I ran what felt like a mile but was really only what looked like ten feet. Once I reached him I dropped to my knees, hitting them on the pavement that brought up a familiar sting of the wintery spring we were having. The air was dry and seemed to choke me as the wind tore like rapids in every direction around us.

"Please hurry!" I whispered to myself half hoping that the EMT's would somehow hear me, as if my voice could be carried by the wind to them. I didn't want to touch him because it may hurt him but I had to hold his hand. He winced as my touch but clenched onto my hand.

"God Damn it Elliot Stabler you don't give up on me now. Don't you do it!" I said pushing him to hold his eyes open just a little longer.

"Liv I-I could never." he said in a hoarse voice, pausing briefly for breath, then continued "never give up on you.". As he said it he squeezed my hand and his eyes struggled to flutter open. Blood slowly trickled out his mouth. Then his eyes shut again. My heart beat raised to a million times faster and tears streamed from my face, soaking Elliot shirt, and I knew I looked a mess but honestly who the hell cared anymore. I had to do something while the ambulances came.

"No no no Elliot don't do this!" I said ripping off my jacket. I pressed it to his side and he folded up in pain.

"Oli-." he tried to choke out which only made the blood stream out of his mouth more.

"Elliot stop talking please." I said in panic. Trying to think. I looked up and his hand was raised up and he was making the 'I love you' sign. My heart just melted. His eyes were open again.

"I love you too Elliot." I said crying and leaning in to kiss his forehead. It can't end like this. I heard the sirens and looked up. I looked back down and Elliot's eyes we're again shut.

"Elliot? Elliot no!" I said gripping his hand harder. The EMT's came over.

"I'm riding in the ambulance with him." I said persistently. No one seemed to protest and loaded him in.

**ELLIOT'S POV**

**August 21****st****, 2015**

**The ambulance**

**7:55 am**

I couldn't answer her, as hard as I tried. I felt and heard her. Only I saw nothing. There was no 'flash of my life before my eyes' or out of body experience. Only darkness and echoes of every vivid sound. But mainly I heard Olivia and that's what I focused on. I heard faint beeps and shouts of orders and status updates. My vision got spotty like I shut my eyes and looked up at the sun and then I could open them.

"He opened his eyes!" Olivia shouted as I opened them. I felt finger's firmly on my wrist.

"His pulse is stronger!" yelled an EMT.

"Were only two minutes out!" the driver shouted.

"Detective what's his blood type?" an EMT asked Olivia.

"A positive!" she shouted.

"Tell them to have A positive ready on site." the EMT yelled to the radio dispatch.

"Hang in there El." Olivia said to me. I was pushing. The darkness was so empty and vast, and going back there would mean I wasn't with Olivia. We rounded a turn and the familiar glow of the red EMERGENCY lights on the side of the building peaked through the window. The gently, but swiftly, unloaded me and wheeled me in. Olivia's hand hadn't left mine yet.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**August 21****st****, 2015**

**Mercy Hospital**

**8:07 am**

"Detective we have to take him in to emergency surgery. I'm sorry but you have to wait in the waiting room." the doctor said as they wheeled him back. Those simple words shattered my whole world.

"O-okay." I sputtered out as I finally let go of his hand. Mine was cold, clammy, and empty. I stood in the hall to collect myself. I must have been standing there a while because a janitor asked me if I knew where the waiting room was or if I needed directions.

"Um no thank you." I said turning to find an empty seat. I pulled out my phone. Thirty six misses calls. Damn it. I called back Cragen first.

"Olivia." he said when he answered in a relived but tense voice. My end stayed silent. "Olivia what hospital are you at?" Cragen asked.

"I'm um." I paused "were at Mercy." I said taking deep breaths to contain myself.

"Olivia, he's strong. Remember that. We'll be there in a second." Cragen said dropping the line.

**CAPTAIN CRAGEN'S POV**

**August 21****st****, 2015**

**SVU precinct**

**8:09 am**

"Was that Olivia Cap?" Fin asked.

"Yeah. There at Mercy." I said to the worried SVU family.

"How's Elliot?" Munch asked.

"Let's go find out." I said grabbing my keys and leading the pack out the door.

**OLIVIA'S POV**

**August 21****st****, 2015**

**Mercy Hospital**

**8:20 am**

The family had all filed into the waiting room and we sat in silence. Alex had walked in and without saying a word gripped my hand and stole the seat next to me. A doctor walked out.

"Mrs. Benson?" she asked. I stood up and walked towards her. Fear building up with every step I took.

"Yes." I said meekly.

"Your partner will be fine. Lucky he had you on that ambulance with him and you knew his blood type. If we hadn't had it ready on cite he may have bled out." she said with a smile. I ocean of relief dumped on me.

"When can we see him?" Cragen asked eagerly.

"Well he's still in ICU but one of you can go up and stay the night with him in case he wakes up." she said solemnly. All eyes automatically fell on me.

"Cragen really you can-." I started but Cragen was already cutting me off.

"No Olivia go now, he needs you." he said placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Okay." I said. I turned to the doctor with a bright face.

"Follow me." she said opening the door. The air felt sterile against the Goosebumps on my arms. We rounded several turns before finally reaching his room. She walked in but I stayed cemented to the floor, looking out at a shell of Elliot.

"You can come in Mrs. Benson." the doctor encouragingly said. "I-I know." I said taking small steps into the room.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


End file.
